Stumped

A thousand apologies to you readers for being a bit late with this latest post. I've been a little more busy this past week with work and I really had no ideas for what to write. My good friend Bryan told me I should write a story about an alligator. So... here's a story about an alligator. I can't promise that it will be good but what I can promise is that it is about an alligator.

Rory the Elephant

Rory was a large elephant who loved to toss his trunk around and toot at passersby. One day, however, he tooted at the wrong motherfucker. Strongburk was floating by on a sunny afternoon when Rory hit him with the noise from the river bank. Nobody liked Rory, not one fucking animal, but Rory was one of those who long ago decided that he enjoyed being the badguy, like those assholes that drive by on the street and scream their stupidity at you when you're minding your own business. Unfortunately for Rory, Strongburk had less patience for tomfoolery than any other animal in the whole wild jungle.

Once Strongburk's heart rate returned to normal he looked over and saw that the startling sound had come from that goddamn Rory. His heart rate quickly increased again, but this time it was the blood of fury that throbbed from his chest and into his muscles and eyeballs. An alligator with bloodshot anger eyes looks fucking scary, in case you can't picture it yourself. When Rory saw the gator heading for him with violence, Rory did what any intelligent animal would do. He ran the hell away.

Now it is said that to escape from a gator on land, one must run in a zig zag pattern, because alligators cannot turn quickly. However, the superb agility of the elephant is not one of those great natural abilities of which we humans are always envious. When Rory runs, he runs straight, and when Strongburk is locked in on revenge, he runs fast. Thus the chase began.

Being so large, Rory was capable of building a lot of momentum and speed, but the jungle was dense and provided many obstacles. Animal nests, trees and shrubs, large anthills, all these things slowed Rory down as he was forced to bash straight through them, leaving a nice, neat path for Strongburk to follow. The gator's feet were a blur as he made a bee line for that phant's ass.

That's when, all of a sudden, Thong the raven swooped from the sky and .... aw fuck it, I'm sorry. This story sucks. Here just watch this instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6d-tNXxTRBA


My next post will be a short teaser from my novel, Asleep in the Dirt. I'll put it up in a day or two, I promise.