Asleep in the Dirt Teaser

Okay, here's a section from Asleep in the Dirt, which is the short novel that Bryan Schatz and I wrote. It's been completed multiple times but is yet again in an editing stage. It will probably constantly be changed until we actually sell it to a publisher.

The following section is pretty far into the book, but don't worry, it's nowhere near the end. You don't need to know everything that's happening, just think of it as a short story about Dan and Bryan hanging out with their spiritual guide, Houndtooth Herman and trying to open their imaginations. Both Dan and Bryan are currently struggling with dark, violent dreams that have been affecting their everyday life. So here it is....


Asleep in the Dirt (Partially):


"Well boys," Houndtooth sighed, "I know it ain't easy, but ain't nothin' better for a tortured soul than some imaginin'."

"I dont think so Herm, I'm done with-"

Dan was interrupted when Houndtooth looked up at him with that big furrowed brow of his, "It may take a bit o' practice, but y'all ought to try again." Then Ol' Herm thought for a moment, took a deep breath and continued. "Hell, maybe I can even help a bit. Some times its best to just let certain things go."

They frowned, scared of what they might see, but Houndtooth had a way about him, a presence that drew out one's faith and put it there before them for all to see. Clinching their eyes tight once again, they held out the visions of their ravaged friend, and thankfully, a soft blackness suspended before them.

Up above the old shack, a great cloud took shape in the image of Ol' Houndtooth. He was butt naked and smoking from his corn-cob pipe. He looked down upon the boys from his perch high above the ground and he exhaled slowly. As the smoke escaped from his lips it turned to rain and the dark, heavy clouds burst open and it began to pour. A drenching, cleansing rain drowned the landscape and washed their bodies deeply. It cleared the concealed anguish from their minds, and flushed from them the curse of their haunted, torturous dreams.

With eyes still closed, their imaginations were finally liberated. Their clenched eyes relaxed, allowing in whatever was to come. The blackness slipped away, replaced by a welcomed sense of alleviation. Their tightened shoulders dropped, they breathed in a deep fresh breath, and then their minds traveled far and wide.

Bryan built a giant fortress home, complete with a martial arts dojo, an armory and battlements and a great feasting hall where all his friends would gather and drink strong, hearty mead. Next to the house would be a waterfall fifty stories tall that would thunder and roar all day and night. The days were always sunny and warm and Bryan would stand atop this waterfall and hurl himself into the great river below. Then he'd catch a fish with his teeth and barbecue it up on the bank. He lived for all eternity.

Dan crouched down into a pouncing stance and then leaped straight to the moon. As he stood on that gray space rock he gazed upon the Earth. He saw every great adventure throughout history occur all at once. Then he buried his clothes in a crater and took the moon in his hands and he hurled the moon into the Earth. The two bodies collided and merged into one while Dan floated through space naked and warm, he visited planets and civilizations that would never be discovered by others.

As the sun buried itself into the horizon, the temperature dropped suddenly and the two friends were snapped back to Earth by a sudden shiver.

"I guess we'd better get inside or something, before it gets too damned cold." Bryan said, wishing he was still in his everlasting home. "I don't really understand exactly what occurred here, but if Ol' Houndtooth is some kind of an immortal then I can definitely see why."

Dan was still considering his vision, intrigued by its vastness. Feeling content, he gratefully allowed the experience to seep in to his core. He turned to the old man and gave him a nudge, "Come on Houndtooth."

Stumped

A thousand apologies to you readers for being a bit late with this latest post. I've been a little more busy this past week with work and I really had no ideas for what to write. My good friend Bryan told me I should write a story about an alligator. So... here's a story about an alligator. I can't promise that it will be good but what I can promise is that it is about an alligator.

Rory the Elephant

Rory was a large elephant who loved to toss his trunk around and toot at passersby. One day, however, he tooted at the wrong motherfucker. Strongburk was floating by on a sunny afternoon when Rory hit him with the noise from the river bank. Nobody liked Rory, not one fucking animal, but Rory was one of those who long ago decided that he enjoyed being the badguy, like those assholes that drive by on the street and scream their stupidity at you when you're minding your own business. Unfortunately for Rory, Strongburk had less patience for tomfoolery than any other animal in the whole wild jungle.

Once Strongburk's heart rate returned to normal he looked over and saw that the startling sound had come from that goddamn Rory. His heart rate quickly increased again, but this time it was the blood of fury that throbbed from his chest and into his muscles and eyeballs. An alligator with bloodshot anger eyes looks fucking scary, in case you can't picture it yourself. When Rory saw the gator heading for him with violence, Rory did what any intelligent animal would do. He ran the hell away.

Now it is said that to escape from a gator on land, one must run in a zig zag pattern, because alligators cannot turn quickly. However, the superb agility of the elephant is not one of those great natural abilities of which we humans are always envious. When Rory runs, he runs straight, and when Strongburk is locked in on revenge, he runs fast. Thus the chase began.

Being so large, Rory was capable of building a lot of momentum and speed, but the jungle was dense and provided many obstacles. Animal nests, trees and shrubs, large anthills, all these things slowed Rory down as he was forced to bash straight through them, leaving a nice, neat path for Strongburk to follow. The gator's feet were a blur as he made a bee line for that phant's ass.

That's when, all of a sudden, Thong the raven swooped from the sky and .... aw fuck it, I'm sorry. This story sucks. Here just watch this instead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6d-tNXxTRBA


My next post will be a short teaser from my novel, Asleep in the Dirt. I'll put it up in a day or two, I promise.